As I talk to friends and read social media posts, there is no doubt that this year was a challenging one (to say the least) for most of us.
But we grew, right?!
This year has given me the opportunity to do a lot of reflection on who I am. Multiple times I have had the table cloth pulled out from underneath my carefully set table, only to find that the magic trick did not work and that the plates, candle holders and silverware had all fallen to the floor in shattered pieces rather than stayed in their perfect setting.
Like most people have been doing, I’ve been reflecting back on this year…
I stopped playing shows.
I retreated in my home like a hermit for months.
I had a tight circle of friends/family who helped me through some really difficult times.
I got over a severe bout of depression/anxiety using food and a daily regimented routine (Ayurveda).
I spent 2 1/2 months in Colorado with the intention of getting out of my comfort zone. There were times it was highly uncomfortable, my courageous spirit was opened.
I became a certified Reiki practitioner.
I started a Song Healing practice.
I delivered my first public speech in Steamboat, CO called, “You Are The Light.”
I went on my first solo camping trip disconnected from technology.
I wrote some songs.
I sat with pain, loss, heartache, intense anxiety, fear and sadness without running away and distracting myself. I faced it.
I spent the whole year not dating anyone. I realized that having a man in my life is not necessary for me to feel whole.
I found out that my identity is not what I do, but that the things that I do are informed by who/where I truly am.
I practiced honesty with others and myself as often as possible, really uncomfortable honesty.
I celebrated my 4th year sober.
I contemplated mortality deeply (still am) and connected more with the angels that surround me.
I started a dedicated yoga practice to go along with my meditation practice.
I proved to myself that I am resilient, as we all are.
I learned that God is in humanity and that human connection is the #1 healer.
So what if that table cloth magic trick actually IS meant for all the pieces to fall to the floor so we can spend some time picking them up, examining them and placing them where we would like them to go? Or setting the table with new fine china and shimmery gold flatware? Or maybe we want plastic so shit doesn’t keep breaking! ;)
The beauty is that we can set and reset our tables however we like and it will be TOTALLY different from how anyone else sets theirs.
So, yeah! 2016 dealt some shitty hands of 2s & 7s (TX Hold’em anyone?) and I’m sure you had to face things that you’ve never had to face before. But there’s always silver lining. Always. What's yours?
I'd like to encourage you to make a list like I've done here. Share it with me, share it with friends or keep it to yourself as evidence that you are resilient.
You are blessed and you are a blessing.
I was in a session with one of my wonderful Song Healing clients recently and she expressed that she had an issue with the word “healing” because it implies being broken in some way. We talked about this and she had already worked it out, in her own heart, that we’re all broken and that the cracks are what reveal our light. Then we wrote a song about it! At the end of each Song Healing session, I ask my clients to come up with a mantra, for their own personal reflection/growth that embodies what we worked through. Her mantra for this session was "I am whole in my brokenness." Ah! So good!
After our session, my client/friend shared this photo with me.
This is a sculpture called EXPANSION created by an artist named Paige Bradley who said, “Art is not entertainment. Art is not luxury goods. Art is culture. It is you and me.”
When I see this photo, I KNOW that the artist was connected to a source that I, too, have been completely intertwined with in my own creative endeavors. I don’t need to hear her speak about what it means to her. It’s so incredibly apparent. It makes my soul smile that not only one other person understands me, but thousands who feel compelled by this sculpture do too. And I understand them.
Although I’ve heard artists, poets, songwriters and healers alike talk about this concept before, right now I truly feel the strength and holiness of it.
What if we all accepted ourselves and each other for who we are, right in this moment? With all of the scars, the wounds, the cracks, the “missing” pieces?
How would you live your life if none of these things were… Uh, “things?”
In his song, Anthem, Leonard Cohen wrote and sang the lyrics, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” Hear it here.
If I had never experienced my cracks of loss, depression, anxiety, hopelessness or deep sadness, how could I be there to sit with and lift up my fellow brothers & sisters? As well as rejoice in the light that shines through as that little crack begins to expand?
When I crack, I allow you to crack. When you crack you allow me to crack. A continuous cycle of revealing more and more of ourselves with one another. Magic!
I want you to see me and I want to see you. Like this sculpture, these cracks are what make us beautiful and unique. We are all connected to the sacredness that lies within each one of us.
You are blessed and you are blessing.